Things that go clomp in the night

Sometimes I think that I shouldn't eat curry too late before I go to bed... It tends to make me dream a lot but last night was more that normal.

It started out with me dreaming about a magician wanting to do a trick that involved the band Coldplay and cutting a dumpster in half... Which is strange because I really couldn't name a Coldplay song and how the heck do you cut a dumpster in half without a torch...

Anyways that isn't really what was weird about last night...

I know that when I sleep on my back that I have a tendency to sleep with my mouth open and when I do that I snore.... I know that I was sleeping with my mouth open, and likely snoring, because my mouth was dry but I was woken when I heard, and felt, my jaw being closed... This woke me up with a smile on my face because I figured my wife had had enough of the snoring and clomped my jaw shut... I opened my eyes only to see a dark figure over me that quickly stood up and made a hasty retreat around the back of the bed... Still thinking that it had to be my wife I looked over only to find her fast asleep, and no one else in the room... You know that you must have been snoring loudly when ghosts are getting you to stop...

Needless to say I had a little trouble falling to sleep after that... Man, I do have to cut back on the curry..

Trapped at 39,000 feet

Took a flight today from Vancouver to Calgary... It was a straight forward enough flight but there was one big problem... There was a person in my direct vicinity that was suffering from extreme flatulence. Now generally when someone has gas to that level it is pretty much just air, not this person. This person must of had a great big dish of goose and turkey guts for supper, I mean the cloud produced could strip paint...

Now in a normal world you can walk around away from ground zero but on a plane you are trapped in that tin can, which is not only completely enclosed, it recirculates the aforementioned noxious cloud. Just when the cloud was finally dissipating the person would launch another bomb.

I'm not sure if this person had no sense of smell, no sphincter control, no sense of shame, or was a fart bearing sadist... The only thing I thank god for was that flight was only an hour...